Rant against non-lineral story telling.

1,2,3,7,8,9,3 That's how my daughter counts. Cute? Sure. Informative or useful? Not so much.

Know what hollywood fad cheeses me off, that they SEEM to finally be pretty much done with? Non linear story telling.

Sure, many of them do it simple... start with a massive exciting or interesting scene, then closeup to the protagonist:
"I guess you're wondering how I got in this situation..." Aw man, here we go again.
Rewind 3 weeks, watch from the REAL beginning of the story until you get to the point where the movie started, blah blah. If you can't write an interesting actual starting scene, don't feel the need to jerk me around and pad the movie by 15 min with a replayed sequence. Heck, a lot of books do that too.

CHAPTER 1
EXCITEMENT, PUZZLING EVENTS!! HERO LIGHTS A FUSE ON A BOMB UNDER A GIANT ALIEN CYBER MULE!!!

Chapter 2
50 years earlier: (and you're lucky if they bother telling you that this isn't just a confusing continuation from chapter 1)
"I was a dirt farmer. Most people think that means I farm for stuff that grows in the dirt, but no, i just farm dirt. Ever try to get dirt to grow? I tell ya, it ain't easy."

Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't care! I was ready to see a giant cyborg donkey blow up! Screw this, skip ahead, skip ahead. Second last chapter? Aww screw it. Where's my playstation controller?

If you wanna get deliberately confusing, you can keep throwing in unannounced flashbacks, or worse, SOMEONE ELSE'S FLASHBACKS, and while you're at it, don't ever show the flashbacks in the order they happened. These kinds of gimmicks just scream "I NEVER HAD A STORY WORTH TELLING TO BEGIN WITH" Why don't you just write a fanfic of Voyager, or some other unoriginal time travel shlep?
It's late, I'm cranky. My household has one member less today, and my cat won't stop farting. Kthx, bai.

Rally for Yute, and missin' kiddos

Rallying the final edits, rallying the website, rallying the spam! Go forth, my pretties!

In Yute news:

Today I received confirmation that the first (non-final, edition edition) hardcopy of Watching Yute is rocketing in my general direction! Two of the editors have already had a crack at the digital copy, and things are going smooth- but it is definitely not the time ot drag my heels.

(Side note: When I take too many bumps in the street in my wheelchair, occasionally a foot will slip off the front plate thing, and I can often drag a foot for quite a while before I notice, subconsciously blaming dirt in the front axels or something...)

Back on topic! I'm revamping my website a bit. THIS BLOG will finally be introduced into it better, as well as a Wiki that will chronicle characters, equipment, and other factors from Lifehack and Watching Yute... with only minor spoilers. I'm sorry to say that I will not allow the public to EDIT the wiki, just browse it. I don't have the kind of support network that Wikipedia has to prevent vandalism and such- not to mention, I want control over the severity of spoilers given... but it is a BLAST editing it. hehe.

Caitlin News

This week, I'm missin' my lil girl and my wife. They went camping, and I've been doing my best to utilize my toddler-less time to the max. Busy enough that I don't have time to miss Caitlin until my front wheel smacks into a rogue soother or something.

She has a little dinette set, and she's found a long time ago that dragging her little chair to the kitchen will allow her improved reach onto counters...

So, last week she notices that the shower curtain's rings have little plastic fish on them.
"MY'S?" she pleads while reaching for them with one hand, and sighning 'please' with the other. "Hep? Hep?"

I can't reach them either, and to illustrate, I park my wheelchair as close as I can, and reach up. "Sorry bunny, I can't reach either, not that I want you to have them..."

She runs off, and I roll my eyes, waiting to hear the inevitable... the little chair being dragged down the hall across the hardwood, making a horrid screech... on and on, closer and closer. She turned the corner with it, and see me, glad I didn't go anywhere. She places the little chair by the shower, and looks up at the little fish.

Instead of getting up on the chair, she pats my foot, then pats the chair. "Hep? Pees?" She wanted me to use the little chair to get up and get her the fish. "It doesn't work like that, hon!" I'm just glad she got distracted before running to get my reach-extender thing. She knows what THAT'S all about, but hasn't mastered it herself.

In other Caitlin news, Leela the cat has become a little more comfortable with Caitlin, but this is a dangerous complacency. I was watching Caitlin following the cat at a casual pace.... then I see Caitlin grab a nerby roll of packing tape.

Surely she can't get the end of the tape loose- except that my wife had folded the end. "Vrrp!" in less than a second, Caitlin has the end in one hand, the roll in the other, and is still following behind Leela like some creepy stalker. It took me a moment to come to tems with the criminal intent portrayed before me, and Leela was oblivious to the fur-ripping hazard behind her.

"DON'T TAPE THE CAT!" I can barely get out without laughing. This distracts Caitlin long enough, and alerts Leela, who jumps up onto a nearby windowsill. Crisis averted. For now.

Students

Today will likely be the last time I see the German girl that stayed with us for the past year. A few weeks ago her family arrived, and they went on a bit of a tourism junket which included crossing the rockies and hitting the Calgary Stampede. When they left for that, it was teary farewell between her and Caitlin, who would not be here upon her return. She's grabbing some luggage that she didn't need in Calgary.

This past year we were very fortunate with our two students. Aside from this girl, (who I haven't given a codename yet) we had Radar for a third and final year before she went to university. Radar was with us for three years, and as far as 2 year old Caitlin knew, this fun Korean girl was her big sister. Now THAT was a teary parting. They were just wonderful together. Caitlin didn't really understand. As a silver lining, Radar is going to University in Canada... just thw wrong end of it- So I wouldn't be too shocked if we see her again.

Even aside from Radar's bond with Caitlin, I miss the students too. They were a kindly, pleasant presence in our home. I can only hope that the students in the coming year will be even a fraction as nice. Hosting students is rewarding, but emotionally perilous. I always say they we try to treat our students as much like family as they're comfortable with. They're brave, going to the other side for the world at that age, often with limited english. If we can be a positive impact on thier experience... well, we do our best. And I miss em.

Over the last... 4? 5? Years, some students have become more a part of the household than others, and that's fine too. One was so homesick, she could think of little else. We tried, and she was nice enough, but still so homesick. We don't really profit too much from hosting financially. I know there are many hosts out there who treat thier students like cattle, and make money... but we spend so much on special foods, or trips... when we have no students in the summer, the net difference is noticeable, but not a lot when the dust settles.

In hindsight, I've profitted a lot- I have 'adopted' daughters all around the world, and I wouldn't trade that for mere money.






Nor a bigscreen TV.

Cat's eye view, and Lifehack update

Lifehack update- Passed the halfway mark in the revision the other day. whee! There was a section I wanted to paste into the blog, but not I can't remember which section it was... Aw, what the heck, have a neat lil clip that hasn't been changed much...

Just then, Alisia arrived. "Regan?" She sighed, "What are you doing here?"

Regan paused, thinking fast. "I.. just came to give these back." Regan pulled out the dog tags that she had taken days ago. "I'm sorry."

Alisia, still mostly in the hall, took the tags. She happened to look past Regan for a moment and saw her teddy bear out of place. She looked at the tags again. She didn't really mind if Regan had them, but she didn't want Regan to know that. She glanced at the garbage can nearby in the hall.

"I don't need these anymore. These say I'm a Captain. I've been promoted to Major, remember?" Alisia reached the tags over to the garbage, 'accidentally' missing, leaving them on the rim. She moved past Regan into her room and sat down. "I'll be getting new ones soon. Was there anything else?"

Regan stood, stunned. She didn't think she was convincing, but you can't argue with results. She still felt that something odd had happened. "mm, no. That was all. Just, uh.. thank you. For today."

Alisia smiled ever so slightly. "What are friends for?"

Wordlessly, Regan backed out and closed the door. She then spotted the dog tags. She considered not taking them... it's not as if she was digging through the garbage or anything. She picked them up and hugged them in her hand.

Alisia looked at her bear as if to ask what Regan did in her room, but the bear told no secrets.

Tada. Now watch the blog software chew up the formatting... which reminds me- You who comment anonymously... you know who you are... Alright, I can guess who it is by the content, but just cuz ya don't have a blogpot ID, doesn't mean ya cant sign the message... I might not always be so cunning...!

Anyway, as for the Cat's eye view....

This past weekend my wife Michelle packed up lil Ciatlin, and they went camping at Perrygin lake where much of her family camps. Next year I'm told I'm going long too, despite my disability. Grr.. oh well, I guess I have to give it a hack eventually, but this time around I ended up having the house to myself for five days.

Unless you count my mother downstairs, the renters in the suite, oh, and of course Ping and uhh... Hmm... I need a codename for our korean student! Korea.. um.. what do I think of when I think "Korea"... Radar! Alright, alright, Radar O'Riley was an american male in Korea, but she has a similarly helpful attitude, and gentle cheer. Radar it is.

Anyway, yes, aside from them, I was solo.

On the second day or so, my cat Leela wanders by. She had always been my cat more than our cat, ever since the first day we brought her home, and I defended her from the giant, hairy, overexcited, older canine sister she had just gained. Leela was my lil baby. I'm not sure when I became a cat person, but I did.

"Hey, Joe." she said with her eyes as she casually walked into the room.

"Yeah, Leela?"

She sits a few feet in front of me. "We gotta talk."

"Sure." I put my hand out 'cat-height' above my lap, inviting her to jump up. She's a big girl now, just turned three. Not too old to get on daddy's lap. (In actuality, she's still pretty small.) "What's on your mind, lil one?"

She runs her head under my hand to get petted, and wanders back and forth on my lap to garner more attention. "Well, daddy... I'm used to being the baby.."

"Yes, well..."

"And I kinda suspect I'm adopted... but... this new thing. The hairless little one...."

"Caitlin."

"Yeah, whatever. Is she gonna be here long?"

"Oh, leelers. Don't tell me you're jealous?"

"..... no! Not me! I don't get jealous! So when's that hairless thing leaving?"

"She isn't. She lives here now. She's my daughter."

"....!"

I sigh, and calm Leela with a scratch behind the ear. "You're still my lil girl too."

"Is that hairless thing on my side or the dog's side?"

"Right now she's pretty much just on her own side. I guess it'll depend on which of you behaves better."

"PAH! Then I win."

"Alright then. Happy now?"

Leela looks around sulkily, then back up at me. "You still love your leelerz?"

"Of course."

"Kay. Now let me outside, stupid human!"

Lucy doesn't get it.

Lucy's my dog. She's a beagle cross. Picture a taller beagle, and you've got the idea. All the bad bits, all the barking, and the chewing, but with double normal beagle horsepower.

The only thing keeping the beagle breed from being strangled into extinction is the sad sorrowful look they can give ya.
Here she is showing her cunning. And also here is Leela, who as you may have guessed, is a cat. My cat for sure, Lucy is my wife's dog. Not my any means of ownership- the pets picked.

Anyway, Lucy's going to be the star of my children's book, "Lucy Doesn't get it"

Or possibly "Lucy doesn't understand" Or Lucie... that's my wife Michelle's preferred spelling. And she Spells the cat's name "Lela".. Ohwell.

Anyway, when I get the look for Lucy's cartooney-self done, I'll post it. The book is going to tell all about how various things happen, and Lucy didn't get it.

An example of how it's going to be:
---
Lucy's mommy and daddy didn't have fur. Lucy didn't get it.

Lucy's ate food in a bowl on the floor. Mommy and daddy eat food up on a table. It smelled much better, but they didn't usually let Lucy even try it. Lucy didn't get it.

One day Lucy saw that mommy's tummy was getting bigger. Lucy didn't get it.
---

etc. In the end, Lucy meets the newborn Caitlin, and Lucy finally gets it. The finally page will show Caitlin peering at the furry monster sniffing her with its big wet nose.

And Caitlin didn't get it.

---
Next post I'll yap about the only book project I haven't discussed yet, a non-fiction dealing with my life, "It wasn't worth the parking space".

Ooh, I could have posted a pic of Caitlin in this entry, but maybe I'll hold off for the next entry.