Your writing voice, and BEING CORRECT.

In a writing group on FB, someone posted a snip of their WIP. People gave a lot of feedback, myself included, but several points made, (often with a great deal of conviction!) could easily have a counter-point that I felt would have been just as valid.

For example, someone pointed out 'head hopping' going on. I'm kind of blind to light head hopping, and am fairly guilty it that myself...

I tend to think of it as "the narrator takes the side of whoever did something last." ie:

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"Give me your lunch money!" Dave commanded. Usually, this was enough to score a buck or two from Timmy. He complained less than he used to. Good Timmy.

"You know I have to eat, don't you?" Timmy knew Dave didn't care. Frankly, Timmy didn't care a lot either. He'd given up, and kept extra money in another pocket just for this kind of situation. That didn't make handing over a buck and a half any more fun, but it prevented getting beaten up later.

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Is that head hopping? I guess so. Does it bother me? Nahhh.. does it bother readers? IT BETTER NOT, OR I'LL SEE THEM AFTER CLASS!!!!!

I guess my overall point is that you have good flow, and aren't making MASSIVE ERRORS, a lot of aspects come down to taste. NOTE- Don't make excuses for crap calling it your style. It is a skill to determine the difference at times. If it kinda bugs you a bit at the moment, but "It's okay like that.." there's a good chance it isn't okay like that, and will bug you when you read it years later.

There comes a point where you're just fine-tuning your voice. One person will tell you not to use the word 'said' to tag dialogue, the next will tell you that said is an 'invisible word' that gets in the way less, and everything in between. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of just leaving a quoted chunk of dialogue in close proximity to an action, and leaving it up to context to help tell the reader to understand who's talking.

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Tired of Dave's bullying, Timmy fled. "Bite me!"

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That said, I am a heavy user of "said" unless something else expresses the mood notably better.

Tuning ao many aspects like that are going to depend on your voice, and the scene.

and 2 months after publishing, you'll decide you made all the wrong decisions. And you'll be right. And wrong.

CongratulaI'msosorry.

Comma, Comma comma. Comma?

 In "writing thoughts no one asked for, and anyone who cares already has an opinion" #43857333, subsection commas 7434.

The line-

"Dad carried Ella and Grandpa carried the bike."

I changed this and put a comma after Ella. Why? When you read it, you understand properly what's going on. BUT... a comma does separate the thoughts.

Mid-way through the sentence, especially if you're not reading with strict attention, in a rush, stoned, whatever.. for a moment, your brain MIGHT be picturing Dad carrying Ella and Grandpa.

This is of course, idiotic. The comma isn't NEEDED. But its inclusion makes it more readily digestible.

This particular example is for work (name changed, obv) and the reports I edit are to be usable in fast, easy references by law types, but for my own prose, I don't want readers tripping as they read, even a little- (unless I want to slow them down for a reason, but there's smoother ways to do that). I over-use commas if anything, but if the clarity is at stake, I'll suffer a few too many commas over a few too... few.

This message has been brought to you by commas. Commas: for home, office, camping, or Oxfordian lists. Now available in wingding!