Red Planet Blues Vancouver Launch - 1/2

Having Robert J Sawyer in my facebook friends list, I see updates on his goings on. Such hits as "I've finished another book" and "the pope just invented a new award for me" and "the ghost of Isaac Asimov just came by to tell me where he buried his gold."

Maybe not, but you get the idea. As such, of late I've been hearing the news for his latest, Red Planet Blues.

Shucks, if only he could have found a pretty cover for it.

The story centres around our hero Lomax, who's a private dick on Mars. Mars being a hotbed for people looking to score fossils, which draw quite a price back on our ole blue marble. It's like the gold rush. Except with dino bones, replicants, and no air. And if that sounds far fetched to you, yiu may as well tell me that cowboys can't be done in space, then we'll step out back.

You uninitiated should know this is Malcom Reynolds. If you don't, go buy the firefly boxed set and the movie Serenity before he calls a man named Jayne as backup. Jayne wears a wooly knitted hat, so you know it's serious.

I digress. That's never happened before. So, I got an invite to the launch event for the book, the evening of April 3rd. When the day came, as usual, I forgot such petty things like breakfast and lunch. I was going by public transit, and realized my gut would be looking for dinner while I was getting off the Skytrain, so an hour before I had to go, I made myself brunchupper. It consisted of shreddies, leftover beany... taco.. stuff, a squirt of honey, and a generous splash of 'cyrstal' hot sauce. (Imagine 'Frank's Red Hot, if it didn't taste like ass.)

Yeah, well, if you think it tastes like shit, why do.. oh, nevermind....

Oh, and for desert, a tube of little caramel eggs leftover from easter. So now I was in an hour long holding pattern of 'hurry up and wait' while a sugar rush started up. Skip ahead, skip ahead, bus, skip ahead, skytrain, and poof.

There I am at the Granville Skytrain station. Most of the skytrain stations are about twenty meters above the ground, hence the name SKYtrain. Granville, like many downtown, are underground. I got off the train, and my spidey senses started tingling... this looked too familiar..was this the station with no wheelchair enevator to the street? Years ago, my wife and I were forced to take the train to the next station, then walk (RUN!!) back toward the offending station to get to an appointment.

To coin a cliche, my heart sank. I searched, and seeing a nook at the end of the platform where elevators are usually 'hidden', I stopped going towards it, when I saw a RED wheelchair sign, pointing back the way I came with the word "emergency" on it. Oh. Splendid. Do I have to call a transit employee to access this? Also, there's no emergency beyond my fear of becoming late.

So there I sat at the bottom of a trio of epically long escalators. I've gone up escalators in my wheelchair before, but even a normal length one can be a little freaky by about half way up. I wandered back out of the way of others, and called the transit help line that is generally used to find smart routes to use. No reception. I went back over to the escalators where the distant shaft of daylight promised a signal out. Reception was terrible, and talking to the lady I got was difficult at best, when behind me:

Cats. Sorry. It's the internet, I was required to.

"Joe?" It was Jenni Merrifield! I've known her through my dealings with VCON since.. since I started going to it! She's the go-to gal for VCON stuff, and she was also going to Rob's launch. I knew as much from facebook, but I didn't expect to run into her. She saw my plight pretty plainly. Guy in a wheelchair at the bottom of a huge escalator? What could go wrong?

This must be an old pic, I've lost weight in the last few years.

She was willing to be my backup.. if I took the escalator with my usual method, she could ride behind me to make sure I don't randomly become a rolling ball of human/titanium death to any below. Then some else who saw my issue came along with more helpful help. She knew where the elevator was. Yeesh. It was around the corner in that nook I gave up on, which turned out to be a hallway. Ugh.

Dramas resolved, Jenni and I made it to the street, and chatted as we made the last couple blocks to the Vancouver Library!

Yes, that IS actually the Vancouver Central Library, but NO, that's not Jenni and I. I think this scene was from 'Caprica'. That building's been in a lot of movies and stuff. Hollywood north, yo. 

Next- actually at the friggin launch!!!

My Arch-Nemefreind

My imagined arch-nemefriend, Robert J. Sawyer signed my book. My book, as in not his.

I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, GADGET, NEXT TIME!

'Imagined' in that I pose no threat to his sci-fi empire, even if I tried. I have just a fewwwww books to catch up to his tally, (a few is considered to mean between 20 and 30, right?) but recent years have seen a drastic cut to the 'book a year' rhythm I had worked myself into. Oh well, the source of that problem is about the nicest one could want, and they're going to turn two and six next month!

Anyway, Rob's a Canadian, and I'm a Canadian. He's a wonderful writer, and I'm a.. a writer. So, if I'm going to use anyone as a buoy to aim for in writing, I may as well include Rob as a target. Not that I want to BE Rob, but there's more than a few lessons I could learn by seeing how he gets things done.

Like touring with a new book.That sounds fun. Maybe when my kids are a lot older, and my books are able to pay for it. If that never happens, it's not the end of the world. I hate travel. My wheelchair REALLY hates travel.

Speaking of kids, it's getting close for time to go get my daughter from kindergarten! I was going to go on about the trip to Rob's event, but short blog entries are earlier to digest, aren't they? So! Next time!

So here we are; the future.

I remember in the 80s, and doubtlessly before, many a movie, game, book, were based in 20XX.

In some cases, literally.

Did you think I was kidding? This shit happened ALL THE TIME. It was a dark age.

The above is Megaman X. The list goes on and on. Double Dragon II, I think it was, decided to be more specific, with 199X. Like it matters when a double dragon game is set.

We tend to hear the cop-out "near future" a lot. Hi! I'm guilty, right here! I'm far from alone. Why? Look to the past, and see what they thought the future was.

Hey baby.

Anyone seen my flying car? No?? It must be the stealth technology!! Well, that's ironic, really. Stealth tech wasn't all the rage back in the day, and now we have our stealth bombers, and a number of firms making light-bending fun, which works. I think I haven't seen any results, personally. (lol) But heck, there's a company working on it about a ten minute drive from me! Okay, the photo mock-ups are photoshopped, and look kind of bad, but they say they won't show the real tech to the public for security reasons, and than government agencies have seen their stuff at work.

As cheesy as that sounds, you'd have to live here to see their claims in the cheesiest of contexts.

+

Maple Ridge. Jus' saying.

So yes, writing about the 'near future' frees us from much Scorn from the far future, and their hindsight.

 But yeah! About the future! Here we are! My house? Looks pretty much the same as houses from the past! The future misfired! Well no, we have small things, which happen to be 'big'. Microwaves, flatscreens, computers, wifi... small components to everyday life that allow so much more than a past that was very recent. Aids being used to cure cancer, cancer being used to cure lycanthropy, 3D printing human organs, Not to mention societal progress.. which can be agonizingly slow, but it progresses.

In summary:

THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!!!

Yeah, thanks for that, Joe. I'd never heard that one, Joe. Neat. Thanks for wasting my time, Joe.

You're welcome.

Next post: My adventure to Robert J Sawyer's launch event for Red Planet Blues at the Vancouver library. Fun was had, transit was ... transited.

"Rubberman's Cage" treks on.. and OW my skull!

"Ooh, who or what is rubberman?" you may ask.
"Does he own this cage, or is he IN it?" you may ask.

(no, no, not quackers!.. oh.. that's not him, I'm safe...)

"Is the cage just a metaphor for everyday life and having your newly walking son run into you while you're crouching down to help him, and crack your goddam skull so hard you're still dizzy hours later?" You may ask..

...you might not.. that last bit might just be something that happened to me today. Ow goddammitttttt, OW.

But yeah, RC is chugging along slowly. When creating a unique society and environment, (I won't use the term 'alien world', since it's entirely earth-based) you find you have to backtrack a lot to keep things in alignment.

"Why would he know X, when she didn't know X, but knew all about Y?" "Can I justify Z knowing Q, when J has no experience with..." Yeah, see me avoiding spoilers there? Annoying, huh? At thins point, I have very little idea how much can be leaked 'safely'.

I just know that at some point, in the real world, I'm going to be making some very odd cookies, (which I will dare to eat, and mayhaps serve at VCON one day)

Here's some leaks you can handle:

No?

Alright, the 'brother' Lenth has emerged as the chief protagonist. The other brothers, (Joints, Spots, and Blue) were not as motivated to defy the routine that Rubberman can imposed their entire lives. As such, Lenth has found out that the whole of existence is larger than five people, and the handful of rooms he knows as his reality.

He's even saw several 'females', or 'lumpy men' as he still has habit to call them. Now he's facing his master's masters, and he seeks answers as to where his brother 'Slim' was taken after he became dead. Whatever that means. Lenth really wants to speak with Slim.

And the apparent powers that be have questions for Lenth as well.

Lifehack Kindle Giveaway! Feb 22-24

Because I haven't yet drowned the entire world with the exploits of Regan and her various issues, (Nano-driven zombies, a missing brother and falling for a straight girl,) the Lifehack kindle will be FREE from the 22nd of feb, through the weekend. Fri to Sun.

Regan 'knows' ya waaaaaana.. and assumes it's because of her. It's not a picture book, Regan, you'll have to charm them with something else.

(Psst, y'all know that you can read kindle books without a kindle device, right? Just download this free kindle PC app..they don't push this so hard, as they'd kinda rather sell you hardware)

What will you do with the four bucks you saved?? What else? 

DRINK HEAVILY!

Pfft, I wish I could get that many for 4 bucks. That's not quite enough for two, even with a sale.. I need to get into costco...

"But Joe!" you say, "I've already read it! It guides me through the trials and tribulations of my everyday life!"

Yeah, that's super, good to hear it, but would it kill you to write a lil review to that effect? Let the world know, so that they too may experience the thrill of dodging exploding, flying lumber caked in nanites! Heck, just download it to boost my numbers. :P

If you're not sold on the whole "FREE" dealie, well... man, you're picky. But you can also go check out the 'landing page' I made, where the ads will be sending people from FB and Bing, (You heard me, BING, the ads were free, okay??)

www.ozero.ca/giveaway.html

On that page is a fun little excerpt of Regan jus' acting the way she does. And there's a video of meeeee! Oh yeah-

IN OTHER NEWS, I recently littered my site with me yapping about my books and stuff. One on my main page doing a general intro, and one on the pages for each of my books. The Echoes of Erebus one gets really silly, starting around half way through. I let that stuff get through editing, and-Why?

Just a little update on the book in progress, "Rubberman's Cage". Things are going well enough. My wife and kids have been travelling (New Orleans and Disneyworld) and a lot of that time has been making those videos, setting up the freebie weekend and doing household stuff, but I'm making good headway into the book.

Will Rubberman be a one-shot, or will it call for sequels? I honestly don't know yet... we'll see, we'll see...

Rubberman Triumphant

Well, after all is said and done, the 'Rubberman' book, working title currently "Rubberman's Cage" has won my attentions over "The Serial Bleeder".

Bleeder had a magic component to it.. which.. I can't suspend my disbelief enough to write magic. Sorry. If I can't, I don't expect my readers to. It had a lot of fun elements in it, which might get recycled, (sans magic) and for all I know, end up with the same title, but that's for AFTER Rubberman, at earliest.

If you haven't heard me talk about it before, Rubberman starts out in an apartment-sized environment, controlled by the unspeaking Rubberman, who punishes inhabitants with electrical shocks. The four inhabitants have to sleep, eat, work, and exercise on a regular timetable.

And this is normal for them. They've never known another life, and don't know there's a world outside. They've never heard of the sky, the sea, or 'females'. But they're content.

Mostly.

At first.

I kind of want to tell more, but.... I don't want to give away too much. Not yet.

VCON 37 (2012) is over. Spoilers: I lived.

I'm back home, and my body has realized that it needs food and sleep, and things to drink that aren't powered by taurine.

That's not fair, body. On friday I had a Cuba Libre. That's got coka cola, rum, (WHICH IS A BURNABLE  SOURCE OF ENERGY, stupid body!) and a lime slice. Limes are fruit. So.. healthy!

But I'm skipping ahead a little.

I arrived at the hotel, ferried by my wife, who fled in terror as soon as my cargo was at my table. Farewell, my wife, tell the children to be good and shut up. I mean,  go to bed, dammit. I mean, I love them. But only if they shut up and go to bed. O WAIT, not my issue for a few days. Ok, Michelle, just tell them I love them.

I thought I was there way earlier than need be for the noon openeing of the vendor's room, but spare time has a habit of somehow eating itself.

Part of my setup was placing this lass:

With about 8 little green army men facing her, and a write-up under her that read:

OUR FUTURE

IN THE DAYS AND THE YEARS AFTER THE BROKEN ATOM RAVAGED OUR WORLD, THE FORCE KNOWN ONLY AS “THE ONE PERCENT” RALLIED ARMIES OF UNHOLY CREATIONS, SUCH AS THE “TRUST FUND MAXOTAUR”.

THE REMAINING SURVIORS MUST FIND A WAY TO OPPOSE THESE ABOMINATIONS, OR PERISH.

WILL YOU BE ALONG SIDE THE HEROES?

Or are you just going to stare at the Maxotaur's udders?

Note the little dog companion behind her as a nod to Paris Hilton. The photos don't really show the blood smears on her that well. She was born of garage sale barbies, (thanks to my garage-sale huntswoman aunt Darlene) and various packrat items that I found in my "this might come in handy one day" drawer.

In the course oft he con, she garnered many reactions, from outright laughs, to a little girl who stared at it unblinking. I could see the gears in her head going, but was it the thoughts of future psychotherapist's boat payments, or...? Then her mother leaned in close to her and said, "No, you can't try that at home."

VCON attracts a twisted sort of kid. In a couple years, my own lil' rat may be among the ranks.. Oh wait, there was this pic from shortly before I left for the con....

.... this pic kind reminds me of Firely's Kaylee.. give or take my "PAULDRONS OF OZERO!!!"

Speaking of which, I guess I need a picture of myself, as I appeared at the con. Thanks to Steve Fahnestalk, who already got some pics up on FB, here's me...!

Next year I'll go in a double-breasted suit and tie. That'll freak the regulars right out. Okay, I guess I have to explain myself for those unaware, here's the history that led up to this mess:

• My friend Ryan throws great halloween parties
• Some years ago, I rediscovered Rammstein.
• Having done cruddy or no costumes for many years, I spearheaded the creation of those shoulder pads, and did my hair like that. My costume ended up a lot like that, except swap the glasses for welding goggles, nix the feathered boa, and the orange slice gummy impaled on one of the spikes.
• during the party, someone stuck bunny ears on me. It was an unexpected, yet welcome addition which softened the otherwise wannabe-aggressive look.. which just isn't my personality.
• In my first, or maybe second VCON outing, I took the shoulder pads. They were kinda a hit, and ended up becoming tradition.
• This year's con had the theme of post-apocolyptia, so I well the full 9 yards, and did the hair again. The feather boa was a substitute for the bunny ears, which weren't mine to begin with.

Note: the boa and hair have a whole other backstory of their own, but I'll save that for another time.

So my neighbour in the vendor's room was ... arg, I can't guarantee her name! I'm horrid! After some research, I think it was http://www.etsy.com/shop/madmrsrochester. It was her first convention, and was understandably a bit pensive. I gave her the newbie's speech. (more on that a little later)

A dapper young man, (I call him such, as he's in my age group, and I refuse to grow up, so he's young by that logic) with a hat shows up, looking a little displaced. Noah found the table he was to set up on to be populated by paintball people. He spent a lot of time standing around waiting for things to get sorted out. I respected his patience, but he said something to the effect of "Well.. you know... Canadian." Yup, been there. Too patient for my own good.

This stand and wait interval was also my chance to give him a revision of my speech for newbies, as mentioned above. It goes something like this-
"This is Friday. Expect nothing. If you make a sale or two, dandy, but this is recon day. Most of the people coming today are just looking around. And a lot of people work until five or six, and not many people rush right from work to a convention."

Then I tell them how Friday is the 'dead' day, Saturday is the big day, and Sunday is respectable, and when the 'orbiters' come to roost; people orbiting the con all weekend finally picking up stuff they've been looking at but delaying.

This formula worked really well the first few years I did VCON, but last year it went all to heck, and this year was kind of randomized as well. It's not just me and my lack of new books. Every vendor I spoke to agreed. Or maybe it IS just my books... maybe I've envoked some kind of curse with 2 years of not having a new book.

Maybe next year, I'll have a new book, and bring life and order back to the room, as Excalibur in the hand of Arthur brought life and order back to Britain!

So the day went on, Gabe showed up, already aware that I had nothing new. Plotbunny showed up, lots of the regulars. Oh, I did have something new on my table worth mentioning!

A friend of mine, Kelly Pieterse sells a variety of charms jewellery and doodads. She asked me how I thought her stuff would fare at VCON.. only one way to find out! She supplied me with her 1x2 display filled with buttlecap charms I could put on a necklace cord or a keychain. Here's a pic of my table after I had everything set up. Her stuff in on the right, upper-ish area.. dang, I need a closeup for y'all.

Next entry, continuing day one: Getting out of the vendor's room, checking out my digs, the book launch event, vamps after the end of the world, and lounging with the big kids! Ooh, maybe some people's costume pics, too!